I had been excessive, I had striven to give myself male capacities. I thought Ihad to know everything, be concerned with everything. What did I care about politics, about struggles. I wanted to make a good impression on men, be at their level. At the level of what, of their reason, unreanable. Such persistence in memorizing fashionable jargon, watsted effort. I had been condtioned by my education, which had shaped my mind, my voice. To waht secret pacts with myself had Iconsented, just to excel. And now, after the hard work of learning, waht must I unlearn. Also, I had been forced by the powerful presence of Lila to imagine myself as Iwas not. Iwas added to her, and I felt mutilated as soon as I removed myself. Not an idea, without Lila. Not a thought I trusted, without the suport to her t...